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You Have Cancer in Your Spine They Say, You Don’t Know My God I Say
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To the newly diagnosed first time Momma,

I know that you have been scouring the internet to find someone just like you. I hope this post finds you because I need you to know that you are not alone in your fight.

Momma, I don’t understand why either. Please don’t spend your days trying to figure that out. I’ve wasted away plenty for the both of us.

Momma, it is okay to cry. You can cry, a lot. Crying does not make you weak. It does not mean you have given up. Let it all out.

Momma, some days you will be okay and some days you’ll grieve. Don’t get too caught up in inspiring everyone around you if you’re just not there. Talk it out. Write it out. Breathe it all out.

Momma, you will have days where you don’t know how much strength you have left. You will fall to your knees in the shower so that no one sees and pray for a single ounce of good news from that weekly meeting with your doctor or from that scan.

Momma, that good news will come; your breakthrough will come.

Momma, your friends will do their best to be there for you. Some will disappoint, but many will try real hard. Realize their visits will only capture a glimpse of your battle. It will be hard for most to understand. It will be even harder for you to accept that their lives go on outside these visits, while yours…well…it goes on, but in a new way for a while.

Momma, you are a great Mother. Your baby will not remember a single bit of this. But you, you’re in a rock and a hard place aren’t you? You want to fast forward the year because you don’t know how you’re going to make it through. But Momma, if that wish came true you’d miss out on so much - moments you could never regain. Skip ahead and you will miss out on all of your baby’s milestones. Don’t let it all pass you by. Take pictures and videos. Every single day. Who the f%$# cares what you look like. Take selfies together. Yup, even with your cry face. Soak up every single snuggle and every single giggle too.

Momma, when you lose your hair or choose to shave it, your baby will still recognize you. She/He will still love you just as before. I decided to do the big shave in the presence of baby. Oh what an awesome picture and memory we now have! It’s Ellen Degeneres worthy.

Momma, you are SO alive. Make plans. Rock that baby to sleep to the tunes that soothe your soul and co-sleep for as long as you freakin’ want. Buy those jeans because you WILL be able to enjoy them. Be EXTRA(ordinary) like me sitting casual with shades on and a weed mag at my chemo sesh. Thanks Sissy!

You are not a statistic. Screw the prognosis. Don’t you ever stop believing in miracles.

- - - -

I have been silently rejoicing but I feel the need to share. Remember a couple posts back when I mentioned that lesion doctors found? All imaging the past few weeks pointed to metastasis to my spine. Second opinion doctors and tumor board doctors confirmed it.

After a painful biopsy and surgical repair, pathology came back NEGATIVE! PET scan came back NEGATIVE!

You have cancer in your spine they say. I say, you don’t know my God!
Credits: Rosalia Santana Rodriguez
604 views Sep 15

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