“Infertility: inability to conceive children or young.
This ONE word has way more meaning than it sounds. Our story starts way before we ever met. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always wanted to be a mommy. I’ve always said when I grow up I will be a mommy, nothing more, just a mommy. Not a doctor, not a teacher, just a mommy. So when you hear the word infertility and actually understand what it means, it hits hard.
As I grew up I’ve always told myself (and had a feeling) that I wasn’t able to conceive. Something in the back of my head and heart just kept telling me it wasn’t possible. So, I just ignored it and kept on with my life. I really didn’t have a future set in mind for anything. It was a dead-end feeling.
Once high school ended I met the man of my dreams. I met a man who made me finally feel alive again. He told me anything I did was possible, and I will be great at it. All I thought of was being that mommy I’ve always wanted to be. Once I told him my story and feelings, he understood and helped me through all the rough patches I was having.
Fast forward to our engagement, I said YES! Best day ever! I was on cloud 9. Life was great. Nothing in the world mattered more than the two of us and our feelings for each other. We started having more talks about our future and figuring out when we wanted to start a family, buy a home, pets and anything else we could plan for. Another year later and we said ‘I DO!’
Layne and I both wanted to start trying for a family right away. It was all fun in the beginning, (romantic nights, date nights and day dates) – we felt like kids again! Once a couple months passed I decided to talk to my OBGYN about us having a family, or if it was even possible since I felt something wasn’t right.
My doctor diagnosed me with POCS: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I had no idea what it meant or what it was but I knew it couldn’t have been good. She explained it would be extremely hard for me to become pregnant. I broke down in that cold exam room. The feeling I had this whole time was true. The only thing in my head was, ‘I can’t. I can’t have kids. I can’t ever be a mommy. I can’t be a woman for this amazing man who is counting on me.’ The feeling was indescribable at the moment. Once I got home I explained to Layne what happened and he simply said, ‘Don’t you worry honey, everything will be okay. You will be a mommy. You will be pregnant.’ My heart hurt badly for Layne because I know how much he wanted to be a daddy too, just as much as I wanted to be a mommy.
A few more months passed and we kept trying, despite that pit in my stomach feeling. I would see our friends posting they’re pregnant – some of whom said they weren’t even trying. Friends and family would say, ‘Oh just don’t think about it. Relax, go get drunk and it will happen.’ I was so mad at the world and discouraged. After a couple years trying, with disappointment, Layne said it would be best to see a fertility doctor. I was totally against it. I was stubborn and said if God doesn’t want to bless us with a child naturally just like everyone else, then I didn’t want to. I said, ‘I didn’t want a medicine baby.’ Right then and there, when I said those words out loud, I hated myself for that. I told myself that I would prove my body wrong. I told myself, no matter what, you WILL be a mommy and you WILL get pregnant.
We walked into that fertility clinic like we were two lost puppies. Me, thinking the worst, and Layne, ready for the biggest step of our lives. The support and confidence Layne had with me, made me think this was possible. ‘Let’s do it! We can do this! As a team, we can do anything,’ he said. We left that visit with high hopes. It was a positive visit. Our fertility doctor said, ‘I will not tell you, you cannot get pregnant, because you can.’ Those words made me feel amazing. My view on this had totally changed. I was ready to do whatever it took to become a mommy. Our doctor had also run a few tests on Layne to make sure it wasn’t anything with him either.
After both of us doing multiple blood tests, doctor visits, painful procedures and the disappointment of another month passing by and nothing happening, I was very discouraged again. Seeing the fertility doctor took a lot longer than I thought it would, and I don’t mean the visits. About 6 months later, our doctor had finished his testing process and started treatments. The doctor put us both on medication to help regulate our bodies and do the magic our bodies needed to conceive. This was a lot harder for me since I never was a fan of taking medicine, even for headaches. I wasn’t the best at taking pills either, so I had to do whatever it took to get them down every morning. We both had 3 different pills we had to take. The first month we started we messed the order up. All I thought was – another month failed! This time it was a stupid mistake I made.
The pills I had to take were each at different times of my cycle. So before taking one of the pills, I had to take a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. All I could think was how it was a waste of money to buy all of these tests just to find out it was once again negative. After 2 months passed, there was a faint line! My heart was racing so fast it was about to explode! I showed Layne and a few of my close friends to see if they saw what I was seeing. Layne wanted so badly to see that faint line but deep down he knew it wasn’t there and neither did my friends. So, the next morning I retested at 6 a.m. while Layne was still sleeping. Negative… I just sat on the toilet and stared, thinking maybe if I look long enough the line will appear. Life at that moment shut down on me. My heart fell and the thought of being a mommy felt so far away now. Month to month, year to year, there was still nothing close to resembling a pregnancy. All I was waiting for was a line. How could it be so difficult? After that, my mood had changed for the worse. I didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I just wanted to sleep all day and not think about being a mommy or a pregnancy test.
A few months passed and my birthday was coming up. Lyne knew cruises were my favorite! He booked us a safe getaway and we actually were able to have a great time. We drank, danced, soaked up the sun and ate A LOT of food! I felt like we were kids again. I needed this, I felt alive again. Layne always knows how to pick me up and this was it. As husband and wife, you vow to each other to always love and care for one another till death due you part, and that’s what he was doing.
Four months later with a box full of negative tests, WE ARE PREGNANT! My husband and I did it! The feeling of seeing that line again was very scary. Thinking, ‘is this it!?’ Asking close friends and family, ‘can you see it!? Am I going crazy again!?’ I always knew I wanted to surprise Layne with the amazing news, but didn’t think I could pull it off. I called our photographer (who knows our story and has been with us through these years) and told her the awesome news. Lo and behold, she made it happen!
My heart was beating so fast from all the excitement. Once Layne turned around, his reaction was everything I hoped for and more. It was priceless!
The memories she captured with Layne’s reaction will be ours forever! These precious moments I’ve been waiting for, for years, are finally happening and our photographer Chelsea Whetsel captured them perfectly! I cannot thank her enough.
Layne and I expect our sweet miracle April 2, 2019. We are so happy and fulfilled with life. Our dreams have come true. We are mommy and daddy! All our dark clouds are now rainbows and sunshine!”
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