“It’s funny how most of your young life, you do everything in your power to try and NOT get pregnant. Then you get older, get married, and some of us have to do everything in our power TO get pregnant. That is something I never dreamed that I would have to experience. Infertility only happens to other people, not me. Or at least I thought…
Our journey began in December of 2016, when I was diagnosed with infertility through Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This left me with inability to develop and regularly release mature eggs during ovulation. Hearing that diagnosis froze me. When my OB explained that PCOS is one of the most common causes of infertility, all I could hear her say was, ‘You can’t have a baby.’ How? How is this possible? The only thing in life I was ever meant to do was be a mommy. We were eventually referred to a reproductive endocrinologist, who was supposed to lead us on our journey to conceive.
When you think ‘fertility treatment,’ you can never even begin to understand the depth of what you’re about to experience. You are only thinking of the hopeful outcome. I have to admit, I still had the mentality that I was ‘exempt’ from this disease, and that it wouldn’t take us long to get pregnant. Oh, how wrong I was.
We began with a medicated natural cycle, using the ever so popular oral medication Clomid. From my research, this works for ‘everyone.’ We are going to have twins! A boy and a girl, and my prayers are going to be answered. We picked out our names, we even picked out back up names! Unfortunately, I did not respond to this, or any oral medication for that matter. So that was our first sight at failure. It didn’t hurt me as much as I would have thought. My denial was still really strong at this time.
Next, the doctor moved onto another cycle that included injectable mediation. Well this is serious, I’m taking injections! I’m definitely getting pregnant! This was probably the quickest cycle I went through. Coming from the girl who very rarely ovulated, I, surprisingly, prematurely ovulated. So, another failure for us. Now this is getting real. I began to start blaming myself. What’s wrong with me? Why is, what seems like, every single person around me getting pregnant, and not me?
We had a sit down with the doctor and explained that we wanted to exhaust all of our options before moving onto In Vitro Fertilization. This was not covered by insurance at all, and we were not financially ready to take this plunge. The doctor’s response was, ‘Well do you want a baby or not?’ Well, what I do want is a new doctor, and that’s what we got.
We changed practices in the spring of 2017, where we felt instantly at home. Our new doctor was thorough, warm, kind, and caring. He immediately didn’t understand why the other doctor followed the protocol that he did. This was the guy that was going to get me pregnant, I just know it!
Our first step was IUI, intrauterine insemination, which people commonly know as artificial insemination. My husband had his semen analysis, which came out normal. This was it! I’m getting pregnant this cycle!!!
The day our medication was delivered, I was overwhelmed. Different gauged needles, sharps containers, alcohol swabs, medication vials. Our kitchen table was beginning to look more like a pharmacy than a place you eat dinner. Luckily, I responded to this injectable hormone treatment. However, I was not ready to accept what came along with it. The weight gain, the moodiness, the headaches… it was all unreal. I didn’t know who I was anymore. But I kept pushing forward. I was going to be a mommy!
My husband and I were so hopeful. Looking at how well my body reacted to the medication, how could this not work? Well, it didn’t. This was a hard-hitting failed cycle. My period showed up the night before my blood test. How is that for irony?
Throughout this time, we had a number of tests:
Both tests came back normal, no issues!
My doctor had a conversation with us about IVF, the dreaded conversation we had been avoiding since day one. He truly believed that this was the way I was going to successfully conceive. Stunned, we sat there, listening to every single word he said. We have to go through IVF. We got in the car and just stared at one another. How would this be possible? The price on the paper was over $17,000. Where would we get that money?
Right off the bat, we knew there was not any other option. We were going to go through treatment at any cost. We were going to be parents no matter what it took us. There was so much worrying, tears, and fear for both of us, because even though we knew this was going to happen, we just didn’t know how.
We ended up taking out a loan to cover treatment. We were set! And we were also the proud owners of a $433 per month payment. A payment for a child we didn’t know if we were going to have or not.
The day the IVF meds arrived was a day I will never forget. The FedEx driver had to help me carry the box in the house. I could not believe my eyes! Our medical station, aka our kitchen table, was no longer big enough to house all our medicine. The number of syringes was endless, the sharps containers were humongous, the vials of medication were nonstop. Could I do this?
I decided that this was probably the most important thing I was going to do in my entire life. And IF this was successful, I was documenting EVERYTHING. (notice I added that ‘if’ in there, yeah, the doubt had now come to live with me).
Our first cycle was a fresh embryo transfer cycle. I would prep my body for what I known as an egg retrieval. Remember how I told you PCOS never allowed me to develop mature eggs? Well, all those non-mature eggs just sit in my ovaries. They are known as follicles. One of the injectable medications I was on, Follistim, would help to make the eggs mature. And not just one of them, ALL of them. The doctor also had to make sure I wouldn’t prematurely ovulate, so I was also injecting myself with Lupron. On top of that, we got to a point where we were also using Menopur.
All of these medications combined take a toll on a person. My body wasn’t my body any longer. I literally couldn’t take it any longer. I read a quote online that said, ‘The strongest women become the strongest mothers even before their children are conceived.’ Well, that’s all I needed to hear. It didn’t matter anymore. All my crying and complaining was going to stop. I had to be strong. Strong for myself, and strong for my husband. Which, I haven’t really mentioned, is kind of awesome. Throughout this entire process, he had been so overly involved. He played the role of fertility medication administrator, punching bag, nurse, therapist, and husband. And when I tell you, infertility tests your marriage, it TESTS your marriage.
We finally made it to the day of our retrieval, which is basically almost a surgery. You get in a gown, they run an IV, and you wait to be the next one called. My husband, who was by my side constantly, could not be with me. This scared me. Knowing they would be sticking needles through my vaginal wall into my ovaries, then sucking all of the eggs out on both sides didn’t give me comfort at all. All I could think about was the fact that I needed them to get enough eggs to be fertilized. I could not go through this again!
In recovery, with my dear husband at my side, the doctor came out to tell us they harvested 19 eggs. Hearing that brought so much joy to my life! 19! That’s a huge number!!! What people don’t understand about IVF is, 19 eggs doesn’t mean you’re going to have 19 embryos to transfer. We used ICSI, intracytoplasmic sperm injection, on all of our eggs. Only 14 of the 19 fertilized normally. Still, 14 is a good, strong number.
We now wait the 5 days, because this was a 5-day transfer. The embryos had to become 5-day blastocysts before being transferred into my uterus. This was Tuesday. On Wednesday, the embryologist called to let us know we had 9 embryos that were continuing to develop normally. Awesome, I was overjoyed!
On Friday, the doctor called… I was experiencing something known as OHSS, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. This was attributed to the medication, and was so incredibly painful. The doctor explained to me that even though we still have the 9 embryos, and we could still do the transfer on Saturday, he advises that we freeze the embryos and wait. I immediately felt all the blood drain from my body. Wait? I have come this far, went through all of this, and now I have to wait some more? If you are going through IVF, you need strength, hope, determination, and most of all PATIENCE. He said that even though it could implant normally, and I could carry a successf