Elf on the Shelf Meets Gruesome End After Mum's Blind Panic as Kids Walk in
*colorful language warning*
Mom of the year award goes to yours truly
Y’all know I can’t stand doing Elf on the Shelf but I suck it up every year and do it to see those precious smiles on my beautiful children’s faces
Elfis, our elf that we’ve had for 5 years, arrived on December 1st with a broken leg and blamed it on the kids for leaving their toys out, saying he tripped and broke his leg but Doc McStuffins fixed him up and put a cast on him. The note told the kids that he was on strict bedrest orders and couldn’t move for 14 days. [[Mom win, right? I just got a free pass to not worry about moving that creepy guy for TWO WEEKS! Heck ya!]]
The other day the kids noticed that it had been longer than 14 days and he hadn’t moved so when they weren’t looking I grabbed him off the kitchen counter and quickly tossed him in the oven until I could move him later and not raise any suspicion. They have been waiting for him to come back for a couple days but life’s been a little crazy with Gray being super sick and my life being a joke in general so...... I forgot.
I seriously forgot I put the freaking elf in the freaking oven
Today the kids wanted leftover pasta for lunch and Gray likes it when I bake leftover pasta because he says it tastes better so that’s exactly what I did. (I will literally do anything to get him to eat right now since he’s not had an appetite lately...)
I preheated the oven and started cleaning the kitchen. About 4 minutes later I started to smell something REALLY funky and that’s when all hell broke loose and I broke my son’s heart.
In mid conversation with Brittany I yelled “FUCKKKKKKKKK!!!! THE ELF! THE
FUCKING ELF IS IN THE OVEN” Brittany rushed in to help me get him out and Gray came in the kitchen with excitement (literally the happiest I think I’ve seen him since he got out of the hospital) thinking our elf was back but his world fell apart as we were using kitchen utensils to get our burnt and melting elf out of the damn oven.
I would have thought that with Gray being older he would have laughed at it but it was Ily that laughed and Gray that got his little heart broken I seriously suck.
Sooooo.... guess what I’m doing today? I’m having to scramble and find the other elf we have and then I have to call Santa (in front of the kids) and ask him if he will please pick Elfis up tonight. Ya know, since he is unable to make it to the North Pole to get fixed because his head literally popped off from being too hot once we pulled him out of the oven and his feet are completely melted off.
Damn this Elf on the Shelf shit. Wish me luck. Let’s see how I get myself outta this one.
Credits: Brittany Mease
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