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Mom Nails Why You Should Never Ask Couples When They’re Having Kids
"-We are just enjoying being newly married
-We have some travelling we want to do first
-I'm just focusing on my career right now.....

These are just a few of the reasons I used (with a forced smile) to mask what was really going on. I wasn't always that pleasant. One day, I responded with 'It's not that f*cking easy, you know.' I had just got my period that morning.... again.

They would tell me that I'm not going to be young forever or that my maternal clock was ticking. And believe me, I knew it. I just didn't need to hear it from everyone else.

Trying to conceive isn't easy unless you are a highly fertile 17 year-old, who could become pregnant just by talking about it. The odds of conception and retaining a pregnancy are actually pretty crap, topped off with the huge amount of people who are reproductively challenged with polysystic ovaries, endometriosis, etc.—and I was one of them.

I remember the day, vividly. I had to go to work after we had the appointment and I thought that was it for me. No kids. My husband, always the optimistic one said that we would try the treatments suggested and that it was not over. We even had a very frank discussion about adopting. We were told to expect a long road ahead, if we decided to take it.

IVF sucks. It is the most time consuming, invasive, expensive and emotionally painful roller coaster I have ever been on. It actually broke me. You have so much invested in the process, financially and emotionally, that it consumes your every thought.

When you are having difficulty conceiving, it seems everyone around you is falling pregnant. It's easy to be happy for them at first but that brave face wears thin after a while. I even started to decline going to certain get-togethers; and attending baby birthdays were just painful. I became quite bitter, desperate and depressed.

But one year later, I got up for work and did a quick test, expecting the usual mind-numbing result. I crawled back into bed with my husband. He rolled over and said, 'You're pregnant, aren't you!?'

I was. I didn't have to say a thing. My face said it all. We were one of the lucky ones.

But, many couples will be trying for years. Also, some may never succeed and my heart goes out to them. And what about the couple that don't want kids; or the couple who had a child, but can't afford to have another? What about those that have lost little ones? Even though we went through IVF and had such a struggle to have our Harvey, soon after, we were asked: 'So, when are you having number two?' Now that we have two wonderful children (and I feel our family is pretty complete), the question still comes....

So, next time you go to say that 'throw away' comment to the newlyweds or the couple that have been together for ten years; be sensitive. Please don't ask them when they are having kids! You never know what's going on."

Adele Barbaro- The Real Mumma
689 views Nov 2, 2017

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